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So, I’m rollin’ down some dodgy ends, neon lights flashin’, and I spot this gal, proper fit, leanin’ on a lamppost. I’m like, “Oi, love, you workin’?” She clocks me and goes, “Depends, bruv, you got the quid?” I’m gassed, fam! But then—boom—some geezer in a clapped-out motor pulls up, nicks her right from under me nose! Made me vex, innit—pure liberty taken! “Is it ‘cos I is black?” I’m yellin’, but nah, it’s just the game, bruv.

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So, I duck into a shop on S:t Persgatan. It’s this cute little place with all sorts of knick-knacks. I’m browsing, trying to forget the chaos, when I spot this ridiculous gnome statue. I mean, it’s got a fishing rod and everything! I’m cracking up, and the shop owner, this sweet old lady, starts telling me about how it’s a local legend. Apparently, if you rub its nose, you’ll have good luck. So, of course, I do it.

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