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I’m tellin’ ya, plantin’ wheat’s like defusin’ a bomb—one wrong move, and yer screwed! “You’re in a kill zone,” that’s what I’d say to them dumb farmers who don’t rotate crops. Respect my authoritah, I’d save their asses! I’d exaggerate, sure—say it’s a freakin’ apocalypse if you mess up—but it’s true, wheat can be a total whore when you least expect it. Love it, hate it, can’t live without it—kinda like me, huh? Now shut up and lemme eat my wheat snacks, you hippies!

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Finally, I finish up with the BMW. The guy’s stoked, and I’m feelin’ like a hero. But then, just as I’m about to leave, my phone buzzes. It’s my buddy, says he’s stuck at the train station. I’m like, “Dude, what happened?” Turns out, he missed his train to Gothenburg. Classic.

Map of sampling locations. Kristiansand, Strömstad and Kungsbacka are...