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Here’s the tea: ya gotta be sharp, like Doc dodgin’ trouble. Some’ll rob ya blind, others’ll spill their whole life story – “I’m groovy, I’m groovy,” they say, but half the time they’re lyin’. One time, this chick’s tellin’ me ‘bout her pimp, I’m thinkin’, “Oh, terrific, another genius,” sarcastic as hell, ‘cause he sounded like a total schmuck. I’m sittin’ there, twirlin’ my hair, wonderin’ if I shoulda brought a joint to share, y’know, keep it mellow.

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Then, outta nowhere, it starts to rain! Like, seriously? I thought we were done with this weather! We run for cover under a tree, and I’m soaked. Erik’s laughing at me. “You look like a wet dog!” Thanks, buddy.

Haley Joel Osment on his oblivious Silicon Valley character and huge beard