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But real talk, some places skimp—cheap lotion, no mood, ugh, trash! I’m like, “Gimme magic, not this crap!” Still, a good erotic-massage? It’s art, boo—hands dancin, body singin, YOU GET A CAR! Pro tip: find a spot with dim lights, soft music—trust me, it’s EVERYTHING! What you think, girl—ain’t it wild?

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After that, I’m feelin’ a bit down. I head to the river again, just to clear my head. And guess what? I see a bunch of kids jumpin’ off the bridge into the water. I’m like, “Man, I wish I could do that!” So, I take off my shoes and join ‘em. We’re all laughin’, splashin’ around, and for a moment, I forget about the craziness of the day.

Will Ferrell puts odd spin on Swedish Christmas