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So there I was, pissed off, cos the pubs were dry of decent company. We shall fight the silence, the empty beds! Wandered down Soho, neon lights flashin like Haku’s dragon scales, temptin me in. Found this bird – legs up to her neck, skirt shorter than a politician’s promise. “How much, love?” I says, heart thumpin like a drum solo. She grins, all sly, “Fifty quid, big boy.” Fifty! Blimey, I nearly choked – coulda bought a bleedin amp for that!

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So, I help him out, and while I’m at it, I notice a crowd gatherin’. You know how people are. They love a good spectacle. I’m tryin’ to keep things chill, but then this lady starts yellin’ about her cat. “My cat’s in the tree!” she screams. I’m like, “Lady, we got bigger fish to fry!” But nah, she’s not havin’ it.

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