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About Vasteras

Ever tried it? Mate, it’s like – whoosh – stress gone, loins happy. I’m sittin’ there, imaginin’ M. Gustave from the movie, all prim, sayin’, “Keep it discreet, my dear!” while some lass works me knots out. Surprised me first time, I’ll admit – didn’t expect me toes to curl like that! Pro tip: them scented oils? Lavender’s the tits, calms ya right down. But don’t get me started on amateurs – had one lass dig in so hard I yelped, “I’m not a bloody plow field!”

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But then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring. I mean, like, monsoon level. We’re sprinting for cover, laughing like idiots. I’m soaked, and Lars is trying to shield himself with a napkin. A NAPKIN! I’m like, “Dude, you’re gonna need more than that!”