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Preciousss, listen up! Me, Gollum, tellin’ ya ‘bout whores – nasty, tricksy things! “Stupid, fat hobbit!” – they’d say, thinkin’ they’re clever, struttin’ round like they own Timbuktu. Watched that flick, “Timbuktu 2014,” fuckin’ masterpiece, mate! Whores there? Not on screen, but ya feel ‘em – sneaky shadows in the sand, tradin’ flesh for coins. “We’ve no cattle left,” says that dude in the movie, all brokedown n’ shit – whores prolly took it all, haha!

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Next thing I know, I hear a loud crash. I whip around, and this guy just knocked over a bike! Like, seriously? Who does that? I’m fuming. I mean, it’s a bike, not a toy! I yell, “Hey, you can’t just do that!” He looks at me like I’m the crazy one.