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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here talkin’ bout whores, yeah, you heard me! Not just any whore, but *whore*—like, the concept, the vibe, the whole damn mess! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout “A Serious Man,” my favorite flick—Joel and Ethan Coen, 2009, pure genius—and it’s got me all riled up bout this. Picture it: Larry Gopnik, that poor schmuck, dealin’ with life’s bullshit, and I’m like, “Hashem’s fuckin’ with us all!” Whores fit right in that chaos, dontcha think?

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Anyway, we finally settle on this gorgeous dress. It’s got lace, it’s got sparkle, it’s everything. I’m feeling good, right? But then, the bride’s phone rings. It’s her ex. Like, seriously? Who even calls their ex on their wedding day? I’m just standing there, trying to keep my cool while she’s having a meltdown.

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