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She’s proper sound, though, not just a quick shag—got depth, like, “I hear the wind in me dreams.” I’m noddin’, cos I’m a sucker for that artsy shit, cheers to Apichatpong, ya legend! Made me laugh, too, cos she’s like, “Some blokes think I’m a monkey spirit!” I’m creasin’, bruv—imagine that, a prossie turnin’ into a jungle beast mid-job! “That’s peak,” I say, and she’s cacklin’ with me.

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But then, I bump into my ex, Sofia. Ugh, talk about a mood killer. She’s with some dude, and they look all lovey-dovey. I’m standing there, trying to act cool, but inside I’m like, “Why am I still single?” We chat for a sec, and she’s all, “How’s work?” I’m like, “Oh, you know, just planning people’s financial futures.” But really, I’m just trying to keep my heart from breaking again.

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