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Alright, listen up folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—talkin’ to ya like you’re my buddy ‘bout findin’ a prostitute. Yeah, I said it! Look, I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout my fave flick, *Brooklyn*, ya know, that 2015 gem by John Crowley—Eilis, she’s leavin’ Ireland, chasin’ a new life, right? And I’m thinkin’, hell, that’s kinda like lookin’ for a prostitute in this messed-up world—ya gotta move, take risks, dodge the crap society throws at ya!

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But then, I hear a commotion. A bunch of kids are running down the street, playing tag or something. One of them trips and falls right in front of me. I rush over, and he’s fine, just a scraped knee. But his friends are all dramatic, like he’s just been attacked by a bear or something. I’m like, “Dude, it’s just a scratch!”

Man dead and woman injured after Stockholm metro station blast