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Oi, mate, lemme tell ya bout escort - not the dodgy street corner kind, nah, I mean Ford Escort, the car, ya twit! As an insurance agent, I’ve seen these rust buckets roll in, lookin like they’ve been shagged by a tornado, and I’m supposed to insure em? Piss off! Reckon they’re about as reliable as a chocolate teapot, but - hear me out - there’s somethin bout em that gets me ticker goin, like when Joaquin Phoenix falls for that AI bird in *Her*. “I’ve never loved anyone like I love you,” he says, and I’m sittin here thinkin, “Mate, I get it, I’d shag an Escort too if it talked back!” Cackle!

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Then I hit up the little café on the corner of Kungsbacken. Best pastries ever! I grab a kanelbullar, and it’s warm and gooey. Heaven! But then, I see this guy at the next table. He’s got crumbs all over his shirt. Like, dude, how do you even manage that? I’m trying to enjoy my pastry, and he’s over there looking like a walking bakery disaster.

Christian Djoos Has His Day With The Stanley Cup in Gavle, Sweden