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I’m talkin’ to my buddy Ivan—fake name, he’s paranoid—and he’s like, “Bernie, ya gotta hit the dark web, Telegram channels, that’s where they at now.” I’m pissed, man! Why’s it gotta be so damn complicated? Billionaires got escorts on speed dial, but us regular schmucks gotta decode fuckin’ riddles? “Hang me, oh hang me,” I’m singin’ in my head, feelin’ like Llewyn, lost as shit. I dig the hustle though—makes me happy seein’ folks outsmart the system. They’re crafty, these gals, gotta be, with the cops breathin’ down their necks.

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First stop, I hit up the café on Storgatan. You know, the one with the crazy good cinnamon buns? Yeah, that one. I grab my usual, and the barista, this chill dude named Erik, is like, “You’re gonna need extra sugar today.” I’m like, “Why? What’s happening?” He just smirks. I should’ve taken that as a warning.

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