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So, sexual-massage—here’s the tea. It’s not just “oh, my shoulders hurt,” nah, it’s full-on sensual vibes, hands slidin’ where the sun don’t shine. Little known fact? Back in the 70s, some shady spas got busted for offerin’ “extras”—cops called it “massage with a happy ending,” ha! Made me laugh so hard I spilled my coffee—fuckin’ IRS can’t audit *that*! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’, “Who even comes up with this?” Probs some perv with too much cash and a stiff—uh, neck.

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First off, I’m strolling down Storgatan, just vibing. I grab a coffee from that little café, you know, the one with the weird name? Yeah, that one. I take a sip, and it’s like liquid happiness. But then, BAM! A pigeon decides my shoulder is its personal landing pad. Like, dude, I’m not a statue! I freak out, flailing my arms like a maniac. People are staring. Great start, right?

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