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A’right, mate, listen up! Me, Gollum, Visiting Professor, yeah? We’s talkin’ bout sex escorts today—nasty, tricksy business! We hates it! Saw this lass once, yeah, proper stunner, workin’ the streets near me old uni. Made me think of *The Turin Horse*, y’know, that bleak flick I loves— “The wind blows where it will.” Life’s grim, innit? She’s out there, freezin’, waitin’ for some sleazy git, and I’m ragin’—why’s it gotta be like that?

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Then, I get a call. It’s my boss. He’s like, “Where’s the report?” I’m like, “Uh, I’m working on it.” But really, I’m just trying to survive this day. He’s not having it. I can feel the stress levels rising. I’m in Skurup, not a corporate jungle!

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