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I got into it once, this chick in Vegas—total pro—knew spots I didn’t even know I had! Little known fact: them ancient Greeks? They were ALL bout it—called it “anatripsis,” rubbin’ down soldiers after battles. Horny bastards! Made me happy as hell, like Riley’s goofy dad in the movie, all “Yay, pizza!” But then—boom—some dude tried chargin’ me triple, said it’s “therapeutic.” Pissed me off! I’m like, “Bro, this ain’t no doctor’s office, chill!”

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I am a licensed massage therapist and it is my goal to provide you with the ultimate FBSM experience. Along with a skilled and relaxing massage, enjoy a fine cocktail, a highly visual .

But then, the bartender spills a drink all over me. I’m soaked! I’m like, “Really? I just got here!” Everyone’s laughin’, and I’m tryin’ to play it cool, but inside, I’m fumin’. I mean, c’mon, I’m a swineherd, not a wet pig!

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