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About Malmo

So, this bird, she’s a prozzie, yeah? Been at it since the ‘90s, reckon she shagged half the Arsenal squad—little known fact, that! Used to work near the old Highbury, punters callin’ her “Gooner’s Delight.” Made me laugh, that did, proper tickled me pink—cos she’s still kickin’, dodgin’ coppers like a striker dodgin’ a tackle. I’m like, “Fair play, love, you’ve got stamina!” But Christ, it pisses me off—society’s all “Ooh, poor soul,” but she’s out there, cash in hand, smirkin’ like she’s won the FA Cup!

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I get to the market, and it’s packed. I set up my stall, and people start flocking. I’m handing out samples like I’m Oprah. “You get a cinnamon roll! You get a cinnamon roll!” Everyone’s loving it, and I’m on cloud nine. But then, this one lady, she’s like, “These are too sweet.” I’m like, “Lady, it’s a cinnamon roll! What do you expect? A salad?”

Mike Oregano