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Oh honey, lemme tell ya, erotic-massage is somethin’ else! *nasally Fran Drescher voice* I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout it, and oy, it’s like a whole mood, y’know? Picture this—ya got soft hands, oils slicker than a New Yawk street after rain, and some schmuck tryna knead ya like dough. HAH! *The Nanny laugh* Oh, I’m dyin’ over here! It’s all sensual, sure, but I’m a broad who loves “Ida”—y’know, that flick from 2013? Pawlikowski had me sobbin’ into my popcorn, so I’m thinkin’, “This ain’t just a rubdown, it’s got soul!” Like Ida sayin’, “What if I don’t find anything?”—I’m over here prayin’ my masseuse finds *somethin’* worth touchin’, ya feel me?

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Man, what a day! Seriously, I’m still reeling from it. So, I woke up in my tiny apartment in Uppsala, right? The sun was shining, birds were chirping, and I thought, “Today’s gonna be chill.” Spoiler alert: it was NOT chill.

Rare sword uncovered in pre-Viking grave in Uppsala