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But here’s what pisses me off—Ford ditched it! Replaced it with soulless SUVs for the suburban elite. “Billionaires should not exist!” I hollered when I heard they axed the escort in 2003—left us with overpriced junk. Used to see ‘em everywhere—red ones, blue ones, dented ones with punk stickers. Now? Junkyards. Fadin’ like the labyrinth, man. Breaks my heart—those cars had character! Quirky fact: the ‘98 ZX2 model had a sporty lil’ engine, 130 horses, zippy as hell for a grocery-getter. Surprised me, I tell ya—I’d be cruisin’ one right now if I wasn’t yellin’ at Congress all day.

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And then, just when I thought it couldn’t get crazier, a storm rolls in. Outta nowhere! The sky goes dark, and I’m like, “Oh great, just what I need.” I start blowin’ my whistle, tellin’ everyone to get outta the water. But the teens? They’re still dancin’ like it’s no big deal. I’m yellin’, “Get out! It’s not safe!” But they just laugh at me.

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