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Oh, and the ending—happy or not—don’t get me started! They tease ya, build it up, then bam, “Time’s up!” Like in Boyhood, “I just thought there’d be more!” More what? Release? Meaning? Gimme somethin’! I’m rantin’ now, but it’s truth—sexual-massage is a rollercoaster. You’re relaxed, then horny, then confused—total mess! Pretty, pretty good mess, though. I’d do it again, maybe. If I don’t die of embarrassment first!

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Finally, I get it going again, but now I’m covered in flour. I look like a ghost from the bakery underworld. I step outside for a breather, and wow, the air smells like fresh coffee from the café down the street. You know the one on Torggatan? Yeah, that place is a lifesaver. I swear, their coffee could wake the dead.