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Little fact for ya—didja know ancient Greeks were all over this? Called it “anatripsis,” fancy word for gettin’ freaky with olive oil. They’d slap it on athletes, but betcha some sneaky bastard turned it sensual—genius! Makes me happy, ‘cause humans are messy lil’ deviants, and I’m here for it. What pisses me off? When some uptight prude calls it “dirty”—fuck off, it’s art! Surprised me too—found this chick in Bangkok once, swear she had magic hands, hit spots I didn’t know I had. Nearly dropped my scepter, no lie.

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We ended up crafting this killer proposal. I mean, it was lit! We sent it off just in time. I was feeling like a champ. But then, I got a text from my buddy Jake. He was at the park on Pine St. and said there was a food truck festival. I was like, “Dude, I’m stuck at work!” But he kept sending pics of tacos and burgers. Ugh, the jealousy was real.

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