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So, I find this one gal, “Candy,”—original, yeah? Says she’s “open-minded, sensual.” Bet she’s seen more pricks than a dartboard. Text her, all nervous like Jack Twist whisperin’, “This is a one-shot thing.” She’s like, “£100, no kissing.” No kissing? What am I, a bleedin’ leper? Haggling starts—felt like a cowboy barterin’ sheep. Settled on £80, but I’m still fumin’.
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After that, I needed a breather. So, I strolled down to the nearby park, Alvik Park. It’s so pretty there! I sat on a bench, just soaking it all in. The sun was shining, kids were playing, and I thought, “Man, life can be good.” But then, I saw this pigeon. And not just any pigeon. This one was like the king of pigeons. It strutted around like it owned the place. I swear, it looked at me like, “What are you looking at, human?” I laughed so hard, people probably thought I was nuts.
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