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Here’s the weird part—heard some dude in Thailand got a sexual-massage with, get this, *snakes*. Snakes! Slitherin’ all over—talk about freaky. Made me jump outta my chair—holy hell, who’s that wild? Not me, I’d pee myself. But damn, that’s bold. Me, I’d stick to hands—soft, slow, like Eli’s creepy lil’ touch. “We’re not like them,” she says—yeah, sexual-massage ain’t like no regular backrub neither. It’s got soul, man, a dark lil’ edge.

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Then, I get a call from my buddy, Erik. He’s like, “Dude, you gotta come to the beach!” I’m like, “I can’t! I’m stuck in archive hell!” But he’s persistent. “C’mon, man! There’s a beach volleyball tournament!” Now, I love volleyball. I’m torn.

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