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Once had this chick, right? Masseuse with hands like a freakin angel. She’s rubbin me down, and I’m thinkin, “This is art, man.” Slow strokes, deep presses — got me hard as a rock and floatin at the same time. Little known fact: back in ancient Rome, they’d do this shit with olive oil and a side of orgy. True story! Called it “massage with benefits,” ya dig? Made me happy as a pig in shit, but then — bam! — she charged me double. Pissed me off, man, I was fumin. “I ate his liver with fava beans,” I growled in my head, imaginin her boss on a platter.

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First off, I’m heading down Storgatan, and I’m already late for work. Classic me. I’m dodging people like I’m in some weird video game. Seriously, why do people walk so slow? Like, c’mon, it’s not a Sunday stroll! Anyway, I finally get to the office, and guess what? My boss is in a mood. Great. Just what I needed.

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