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She’s a mess, dude, total trainwreck—makes me wanna puke and laugh at once. Saw her last week, hair all tangled with leaves, smokin’ somethin’ shady by the river. “Look at me!” she yells, like she’s hot shit—newsflash, babe, you’re a forest skank. Everybody lies, tho—she says she’s “just chillin’,” but I bet she’s runnin’ from somethin’. Maybe a pissed-off boyfriend, maybe the cops—who cares? She’s got that wild glint, like she’d shank you for a beer.

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After that, I decide to hit up the park near Strada Tineretului. It’s a nice spot, but today? It was packed. Families everywhere, kids screaming, dogs running around. I’m just trying to find a bench to chill. Finally, I spot one, but it’s taken by this couple making out like they’re in a rom-com. Ugh, get a room, people!