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Alright, mate, let’s talk whores. Cold, calculated brevity – that’s me, Vlad Putin, sizing up this gig. Whore’s a job, yeah? In Russia, we got it listed – not official, but real. All-Russian classifier? Pfft, doesn’t touch this. Underground stuff, slippery as fuck. Been around forever – oldest trade, they say. Fact is, whores outlasted empires. Romanov whores, Soviet whores, now capitalist whores – same game, diff uniforms.

1. Nu, nu se poate cu mașina

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After a few rounds, we decide to hit the streets. We wander down Strada Oltului, and I’m just soaking it all in. The lights, the people, the energy. It’s alive, you know? But then, we see this street performer. He’s juggling fire! I’m like, “What the heck?!” I mean, who juggles fire in the middle of the street? But he’s nailing it, and the crowd’s loving it.

Central RO: Four-star hotel opens in Sfântu Gheorghe