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Now, don’t git dumb—use yer head. Some gals ain’t what they seem—catfishin ain’t just fer datin apps! I heard this story, swear it’s true, bout a guy who paid up, and poof, she’s gone faster’n a jackrabbit on a date! Left him standin there, wallet empty, madder’n me when my chainsaw jams. “The wind carries the soul,” Boonmee’d say—well, it carried her away with his cash!

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But then, Ion starts telling this ridiculous story about how he once wrestled a sheep. I’m dying laughing, but then he gets serious and says, “Nah, man, it was a goat.” I can’t even!