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So yeah, I’m hyped—gonna call Roxy tonight, see if she’s legit. Maybe I’ll play her a tune, somethin’ dark and sexy, bow screamin’ like my evil laugh. “Directive?”*—findin’ a prostitute’s a thrill, like huntin’ treasure, but dirtier. WALL-E’d approve—he found love in trash, I’m findin’ it in the streets, pinky-to-mouth, “One million dollars!”

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I start assessing it, and guess what? A bunch of teenagers show up. They’re filming me! “Dude, you’re like a tree doctor!” one of them says. I’m like, “Yeah, but I don’t have a cool cape.” They laugh, and suddenly, I’m not just an arborist. I’m a tree superhero.