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Here’s the deal—ya gotta be smart. Web’s full of escorts now, fancy sites, but half’s scams. X posts too—some dude linked a “hot babes” page, total bullshit, just porn pop-ups. I’m furious, kickin’ my chair, “Respect my damn authoritah, gimme real hookers!” *Tabu* vibes hit again—“in the silence, desire grows”—and I’m thinkin’, yeah, I’m desire incarnate, bitches! Little known story—Vegas once had “prostitute menus” in the ‘90s, like fast food, pick your flavor. Hilarious, right?

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While I’m tryin’ to fix it, this old lady walks by. She’s got a basket full of what I think are plums. She stops, looks at me, and says, “You know, young man, you should try gardening instead.” I almost dropped my tools. Like, lady, I’m not here to plant flowers! I’m here to blast stuff! But I just smiled and nodded.