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But yo, the smell—stale beer, cigs, n somethin’ funky—hits me hard. Aliens don’t got noses like humans, so I’m gaggin’, all “What the hell?!” She laughs, “Welcome to the gutter, babe.” I’m crackin’ up too—shit’s too real. “I’m not a prostitute, I’m a companion,” she says, all fancy. Yeah, right, like I’m Richie Tenenbaum, believin’ every sob story.

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Man, what a day! Seriously, I’m still reeling from it. So, I’m a clergyman, right? But today, I felt more like a circus performer in Manesti. Yeah, that’s right, Manesti! This little gem in Romania, where the streets are alive and the people are... well, let’s just say they keep you on your toes.