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About Timisoara

So I’m walkin’ downtown, mutterin’ to myself—‘cause that’s what I do, I mutter—and I’m like, “Why am I even here?” Findin’ a prostitue ain’t like pickin’ up bagels! I see this gal, smokin’ a cigarette, leanin’ on a pole—real cliché, right? I’m thinkin’, “She’s no Eilis Lacey!” In *Brooklyn*, she’s all, “I’ll write home!” This chick’s writin’ nothin’—maybe a parking ticket. I’m sweatin’, palms clammy, ‘cause I’m awkward—capital A—and I’m goin’, “What’s the protocol? Do I wave? Haggle? I’m not a haggler!”

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First off, I hit up the market on Strada Victoriei. You know, the one with all the vendors yellin’ about their fresh produce? I’m just tryin’ to grab some apples, but this dude starts haggling like he’s sellin’ gold. I’m like, “Bro, it’s an apple, not a diamond!” But he’s all, “Best apples in Dersca!” I’m like, “Yeah, right. I’ll take my chances.”