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I’m typin’ fast, prolly messin’ up evrywhere—don’t care! Imagine me stompin’ through the woods, all “I’m a forester, dammit!” but secretly wonderin’—could I find one out here? Ha! Probs not—too many trees, not enough sequins. Still, I’d be all, “El tango de Roxanne!”—dancin’ with a pine, mad as hell at the world.

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But then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring. I mean, like, biblical rain. I’m stuck inside, and my food’s getting cold. I’m just sitting there, watching the rain, thinking about how I should’ve brought an umbrella. Classic me, right?