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Yo, it’s bad bitch o’clock! I’m here spillin tea on sexual-massage, hunny. Lemme tell ya, it’s like Viggo Mortensen in *A History of Violence*—all calm on the surface, then BAM, tension snaps! Sexual-massage ain’t just rubbin oil on somebody, nah, it’s deep, it’s sensual, it’s power. I’m talkin hands slidin, energy flowin, makin ya feel like, “This is my moment, baby!”

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So, I’m munching on this pastry, and it’s actually bomb. I mean, who knew Vanju-Mare had such good treats? I’m feeling all happy and stuff, when suddenly, I hear this loud crash. I look over, and some guy on a bike just wiped out on Strada Libertății. Like, dude, you okay? But he just gets up, brushes it off, and rides away like nothing happened. I’m shook.

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