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Maniacal grin, “Here’s Johnny!” Favorite part? The tease, man. They get ya all worked up, then bam - relaxation station. Sarcasm time: “Oh, sure, lemme pay to not get laid.” Hilarious, right? But real talk, it’s chill. Personal quirk? I’m yellin at my cat, “You ain’t gettin this, Whiskers!” while typin this. Exaggeratin? Maybe I’d kill for a good rubdown after wrestlin a damn bull. Hella sloppy, but that’s the vibe - sexual-massage, weird, wild, fuckin works.

What Is Tantra Massage?

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Finally, I make my way to the old church on Strada Bisericii. It’s quiet there. I think, “Finally, some peace.” But nope! There’s a group of tourists taking selfies. Like, can’t you see I’m trying to have a moment here? I roll my eyes so hard, I think I might’ve pulled a muscle.

Romania’s Bison Land among world’s sustainable destinations