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But yo, check this—little known fact: escorts been around FOREVER. Like, ancient Rome had ‘em, called “lupae”—she-wolves, how dope is that? Blows my mind, history’s freaky. Kinda pissed me off tho, ‘cause why’s it always shady? Society’s all judgy, but they’re just hustlin, y’know? Reminds me of Spring Breakers, “This is the fuckin’ American dream!”—they’re chasin it too, just messier.

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After the rain, the sun pops out, and the streets are all shiny. I decide to stroll down to the park by the river. It’s called Parcul Central, I think? Anyway, it’s beautiful. The flowers are bloom’n, and the ducks are quackin’. I sit on a bench, just chillin’, when I spot this cute girl joggin’ by. I’m tryin’ to play it cool, but I trip over my own shoelaces. Classic me, right? She laughs, and I’m like, “Yeah, I meant to do that.” Smooth, huh?

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