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Still, it’s got its quirks—funny shit too. People puttin’ “DTF” in bios, like, chill, we get it! Or this one chick I saw, wrote “Lookin’ for my David”—straight outta “A.I.”! I’m thinkin’, “Girl, I ain’t no robot lover!” Cracked me up. Sex-dating’s messy, sloppy, but damn, it’s alive. You roll the dice, maybe you win, maybe you don’t. Me? I’m Tony—say hello to my little friend!—I’m always winnin’, even when I’m losin’. Ya feel me?

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But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs by, knocks my coffee all over me. I’m soaked! I’m like, “Dude, what’s your problem?” But he just laughs and runs off. I’m standing there, dripping coffee, thinking, “Great start to the day.”

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