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Best part? When she’s all, “Relax, big boy,” and I’m like, “I’m the king, bitch!” Worst? When they half-ass it—no happy endin’, just a pat and “bye!” Makes me wanna keelhaul ‘em! Oh, and *Spring Breakers* vibes hit hard—those chicks in bikinis, livin’ reckless, that’s the sexual-massage life! “Spring break forever, bitches!”—oily, messy, fuckin’ glorious! You try it, tell ‘em Cartman sent ya—they’ll shit themselves! Respect my authoritah, or I’m sailin’ off, assholes!

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So, I’m feeling all deep and stuff, and I decide to hit up a café on Strada Libertății. I order a coffee, and it’s like liquid gold. But then, the barista messes up my order. I mean, come on! I asked for a cappuccino, not a flat white! I’m about to lose it, but I just laugh it off. Life’s too short, right?

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