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But when it’s good? Oh, stars, I’m happy as a bantha in mud. Muscles loosen, ya floatin—pure bliss, fam. “What’s true and what’s false?” Polley asks in the flick, and I’m like, does it matter if it feels this good? Had this one masseuse—swear she was a Jedi, hands movin like she’s usin the Force. Surprised me, legit—didn’t know my back could feel that chill. Exaggeratin? Maybe, but I’d fight a rancor to feel it again.

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First off, I hit the streets of Tomesti. You know, the usual spots—strutting down Strada 1 Decembrie, feeling all philosophical. I’m a psychologist, after all. Gotta look the part, right? But then, BAM! I trip over a pothole. Like, seriously? Who’s in charge of these roads? I’m pretty sure I saw a family of squirrels living in that thing.

Moldovan businessman builds medicines plant in eastern Romania