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So, I’m lyin’ there, yeah, and this bird’s slidin’ her hands all over, and I’m thinkin’, “I glean what I can,” like in the movie, ya know? Takin’ what’s there, makin’ it mine. I was buzzin’, fam—happy as a pig in shit! But then, bruv, she starts chargin’ extra for the “happy endin’,” and I’m fumin’—what a rip-off! I ain’t no mug, yeah, but I paid up ‘cos, well, it was proper lush. Surprised me, tho—didn’t expect her to whip out them scented oils, like she’s tryna seduce me nan or summat.

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So I meet her there, and the place is packed. I’m talking, like, standing room only. We finally get a table, and the waiter comes over. He’s all smiles, but I can tell he’s stressed. I order some pasta, and my sister gets a salad. We’re chatting, laughing, and then my pasta arrives. It’s like a work of art. I’m staring at it like, “Can I eat this or frame it?”

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