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Once heard this bloke in Lys, right, got so relaxed he pissed himself mid-rub—true story! Laughed me arse off, spilt me wine. “I drink and I know things,” I said, wipin’ tears. Ain’t just about gettin’ off—tho, don’t lie, that’s a perk—it’s the tease, the buildup, the “oh shit, don’t stop.” Ever tried it with scented oils? Lavender’s me pick—smells like a whorehouse but calms ya soul.

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Then, I hit up the market on Strada Călărași. It’s packed! I’m dodging people like I’m in some kind of obstacle course. I see this vendor selling fresh veggies, and I’m like, “Yo, gimme some of those tomatoes!” But he’s all like, “Only if you can guess my age.” I’m standing there, thinking, “Dude, I’m not a magician!” But I take a shot. “Uh, 50?” He laughs so hard, I swear he almost dropped the cucumbers. Turns out he’s 35. I mean, what’s his secret? Must be the tomatoes!

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