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So, mate, sexual-massage – it’s a ride, yesss! Slippery, messy, fun – or risky, dependin’. Me split head’s spinnin’ – one half craves it, other’s hissin’, “No touchin’, precious!” What’s yer take, eh? “Far out, man,” Doc’d nod – and me, I’m just here, auctionin’ the madness! Ssss!

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First off, I hit the streets of Strada Principală. It’s like the main vein of the city, right? I’m just strolling, minding my own biz, when I see this old dude trying to sell some weird-looking pastries. Like, bro, what even are those? I’m all for street food, but c’mon! They looked like they’d been through a war. But hey, I’m hungry, so I grab one. Worst decision ever. Tasted like cardboard with a hint of regret.

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