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Oh, fun fact—some spots use hot stones! Hot. Freakin’. Stones. Sounds like torture, but nah, they say it’s bliss—muscles turn to jelly, ya floatin’. I’d probly drop ‘em on my foot, clumsy as hell. Ha! And don’t get me started on the “happy endin’” rumors—some swear it’s all legit, others wink like, “sure, buddy.” Me? I’m just pourin’ shots, thinkin’, “To each their own, ya freaks.”

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So, I’m chugging my coffee, and boom! My phone buzzes. Market’s crashing. Like, seriously? I just got here! I sprint to the office on Strada Calea Victoriei, dodging tourists and pigeons like I’m in some weird video game. I get in, and the vibe is tense. Everyone’s glued to their screens, faces pale.