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Alright, y’all, listen up! I’m Dr. Phil, your ol’ Clinical Research Specialist with a Southern twang, and I’m here to spill the tea on sex-dating. How’s that workin’ for ya? I mean, folks out here swipin’ right, hookin’ up, and prayin’ they don’t catch somethin’ nastier than a cold! Sex-datin’s wild, y’all—half the time it’s like “The Lives of Others,” peekin’ into folks’ dirty lil secrets, thinkin’, “This is how it’s gonna be?”

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Finally, we make it to the park, and I’m outta breath. The kids are still hyped, and I’m just trying to catch my breath. We play on the swings, and I’m feeling all nostalgic. Like, I used to swing for hours when I was a kid. But then, one of the kids decides to jump off mid-swing. I’m like, “Dude, what are you doing?”