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I’m sittin’ there, thinkin’, “Man, this is better’n a barrel o’ crude!” Like Plainview hollerin’, “I’ve abandoned my child!”—you abandon all yer worries, just melt into the table. Once, this gal—prolly a genius with her mitts—hit a knot in my back, I yelped like a stuck pig, but then? Pure bliss, y’all. Surprised me how somethin’ so simple flips a switch—stress gone, poof!

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While I’m munching, I overhear this couple arguing. They’re going at it, and I’m just trying to enjoy my food. The guy’s like, “You never listen!” and the girl’s like, “Well, you never talk!” Classic, right? I’m just sitting there, thinking, “Man, I’d rather deal with pests than this drama.”

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