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Alright, mate, strap in—here we go. Me, a librarian, growling like Bane, “You merely adopted the dark,” diving into this wild world of erotic-massage. Picture it: dim lights, oiled-up hands, tension thicker than a Tarantino standoff. I’m thinkin’ bout “Inglourious Basterds,” that scene where Hans Landa chokes out von Hammersmark—erotic-massage ain’t that dark, but it’s got its own sneaky vibe, yeah? Slippery, shadowy, makes ya feel alive.

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But then, Ion starts telling this ridiculous story about how he once wrestled a sheep. I’m dying laughing, but then he gets serious and says, “Nah, man, it was a goat.” I can’t even!