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I’m watchin’ “Pan’s Labyrinth”, yeah, and that bit where Ofelia’s all, “I’m not afraid of you!” – that’s me with a sexual-massage, bruv. Ain’t scared of no oily hands! Last time I had one, right, I was proper surprised – chick starts usin’ her elbows, like she’s kneadin’ dough! Thought she was gonna snap me in half, but nah, it was peng. Made me laugh tho, ‘cos I’m lyin’ there, butt-naked, thinkin’, “Is this allowed to feel *this* good?”

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Then, I hit up the local market. You know, the one by the church? It’s always buzzing with life. I’m browsing through fresh veggies, and this old lady, Mrs. Popescu, starts telling me her life story. I’m like, “Ma’am, I’m just here for tomatoes.” But she’s got stories for days! I swear, she’s lived through every historical event since the dawn of time.

Fish Borscht Festival in the Danube Delta