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Tie this to *Far From Heaven*—that 50s repression vibe, Cathy Whitaker’s all prim, but you KNOW she’s dyin for a naughty massage. “It’s the strangest thing,” she’d say, all coy, while I’m over here like, “Girl, get them knots out, STAT!” Picture Dennis Quaid, stiff as a board, me yellin, “Bro, loosen up, this ain’t a Boring Company drill!” Movie’s my fave cuz it’s subtle chaos—like a good erotic-massage, tension buildin, then BAM, release. “What’s done is done,” Cathy’d whisper, post-rub, glowin like a Tesla coil.

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So, I give the kid a lecture about hard work. I’m like, “You wanna earn it, not steal it!” And he nods, looking all guilty. I let him keep a little charcoal, just enough to help out. I’m feelin’ like a hero, you know?

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