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So I tried it, right? This lass—fit, mind—starts with me shoulders, all slow and teasing. I’m chuffed, like Sadness going, “Ohh, I might cry, this is lush.” Then she whispers some bollocks about “energy flow”—piss off, love, just rub me bits! Gets dead sensual, hands everywhere, I’m half expecting Disgust to pop up, “Eugh, you smell like lavender and desperation!” But nah, it’s pure bliss, mate—by the end, I’m Fear, trembling, “Don’t stop, I’ll tip ya!”

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First stop, Strada Muncii. I’m doing my rounds, just keeping an eye on things. Then, boom! I see this dude trying to break into a car. Like, really? In broad daylight? I sprint over, heart racing. I’m thinking, “Dude, you picked the wrong day.” I yell, “Hey! What the hell are you doing?” He looks at me like I’m a ghost. Classic.

How the Tate Brothers Came to Romania and How They First Made Contact with Organized Crime