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So, I’m researchin’ this, right? Turns out, sexual-massage ain’t just some trendy spa crap—it’s ancient! Like, Egyptians were slidin’ oils on each other, gettin’ frisky—prolly why Cleopatra had all them men droolin’! Little factoid for ya: they used lotus oil, smells like heaven, makes ya wanna purr. I tried it once—oh honey, I was HAPPY, floatin’ like Michelle Yeoh with that sword, “I am the invincible one!”—but then my cat knocked the bottle over, ugh, I was SO mad! Sticky floor, total buzzkill.

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I pull out my phone to snap a pic of the sunset. But guess what? My battery’s dead. Of course! Just my luck. I laugh it off, though. I mean, who needs a perfect Instagram moment when you’ve got memories like these?

Train conductor dead, other three people injured in another train accident in Romania