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Now, I tried it once, yah? Was all tensed up from stealin’ moons—usual day for Gru. Dis chick, she’s kneadin’ me like dough, and I’m tinkin’, “Dis is nice, but where’s da catch?” Den—lightbulb!—she goes for da tingly spots, ya know, da ones dey don’t show in yoga class. I’m all, “What you gonna do wit dat?” like Sheriff Bell in da movie, all confused but kinda into it. Happy? Oh, I was floatin’, like Vector on his jetpack, but den—boom—angry! She charged me triple, said it’s “special service.” Robbery, I tell ya! Nearly flipped da table, but dem hands, dey were magic, so I let it slide.

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Man, what a day! I swear, being a Program Director in Roman (ro) is like riding a rollercoaster blindfolded. So, I wake up, right? Sun’s shining, birds are chirping, and I’m like, “Today’s gonna be chill.” Spoiler alert: it was NOT chill.

Author Josh Duboff and Alison Roman on the Aimless Drift of Your Early Thirties