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Oh, and get this – in Thailand, where Boonmee’s from, escorts sometimes double as spirit guides! Far out, right? Like, “The jungle hums with ghosts,” says the movie. Imagine that – yer escort whisperin’ to spirits while holdin’ yer martini! I’d be gobsmacked, baby! Makes me wanna shag every tree in sight – total mind-blower! And the flick’s got that monkey ghost bit – “Eyes glowin’ red in the dark.” Maybe escorts see that stuff too, who knows?

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Finally, my food comes, and it’s glorious. I take a bite, and it’s like a flavor explosion in my mouth. I’m in heaven. But then, my phone buzzes. It’s my buddy, asking if I wanna hit up a bar later. I’m like, “Sure, why not?”

Karakia marks opening of new lakefront boardwalk and terracing